My Story.

(Possible trigger warning [abuse, etc.].. I'm not holding back) Buckle up. Here is my story. .....REEEEWIND! Meet baby Amber.

Don't get the wrong idea here. I had grown up with a poor money mindset. I grew up believing the common phrases such as "Money doesn't grow on trees", "We can't afford that", and many more. You know the deal. You see toys in a store and beg your parent(s) to buy it for you. And at first you don't understand just why you can't have it. Eventually you grow into a bigger kid, and start to believe that your family is poor. In my case, I did still feel like there was something magical about me. Like it didn't matter how poor I was, that my heart was the most important part of my life. I somehow knew that love was the most powerful part of life. Even "knowing" that I was poor, I felt so special. I knew that God loved me. Now here is the funny part. I was not religious. I was never raised to be religious. My mama didn't believe in God and my dad didn't speak much of the subject so I never got to learn his beliefs. Maybe because my mom didn't believe, he decided to keep quite. Maybe he also didn't believe. But quietly, and all to myself, I prayed. I didn't exactly understand what I was doing, but I loved the idea of this beautiful creator, who loved me unconditionally. I spoke to him often. My parents did not know this. Nobody did, really. As time went by, I went through what most people go through, as teenagers and young adults. Hardships and difficulties. And what came with that, of course, was the poor mindset. Let me explain a little bit more. I do not wish to trigger anyone, so please take this as information, and know, that I got through this, alive and well. Some do not. But I certainly did. And I am forever grateful. After graduating high school, I moved to the big city (I grew up in a small town in the country). I met a man and started dating him. The first year was fantastic. You know, the honeymoon phase, where things are all perfect and you are in love and get sucked in, to believing this could be forever. Unfortunately, after the first year, things went very very wrong. In that first year, if I were to start to get upset, he would rush to my aid. "Please don't cry, it's okay.." .. But after that first year, things took a turn for the worst. At the first signs of upset, he would get angry. He would yell at me. He no longer acted like he cared about me, but started making me feel hated... while somehow making me feel like I couldn't survive on my own. I fell into the trap. I didn't know this was a thing.. until I got out, almost ten years later. During this relationship, he forced me to drop all communications with old friends and family. The only time I got to talk to my mom was when he was being mean and I ran away, down the back alley, to call her collect from a payphone. She and the police would help me get away, and the police would try to tell her to not let me see him anymore. But I was an adult. And mom know that I had to be willing to get out. But instead I let this man manipulate me. Over and over again. Guilt trip me into coming back. Because somehow or another, I was screwing him over. I was the bad guy. And in my heart I just wanted to be the good guy. It's sad how easily manipulated we can be. But I know it all too well now. This man had convinced me that I couldn't keep a job, and made me feel guilty about it. So therefore, every job I had entered into, I entered with a mindset that I was going to fail, and go home to be shamed, and degraded. He had trained me to believe, that I needed him to survive. That I was not worthy of having money of my own, and that I had no chance of living a happy life. That was the furthest from the truth. Nearly 10 years later.. I had escaped from that relationship. I am done with the days of having someone tower over me, yelling about how much they hate me. How much I have ruined their life. With eyes popping out of their head, and veins popping out of their skin. I am done being called names so horrible that the devil himself doesn't deserve. Some people have real problems. And I can't help everyone. But if you are in this boat.. please reach out to me. Because I would love to help you. I chose a better life. And if you want to hear more details, of how I got out and how I saved myself and my children, please email me. info@becomingextraordinary.ca If that email does not work, please comment under this blog post and let me know. I am working on getting the email working. We all go through troubles in life. But it doesn't have to be forever. You can change your life. Honestly. You can have the life you truly desire. And this is where my catchphrase comes from "You do not need permission to become Extraordinary".